I am not going to reveal any secrets (not actually sure I have any!)
My little sister was always hopeless at keeping a secret. She used to ask me if she could tell me what my presents were every Christmas and birthday!
Secrets come in all shapes and sizes, for all different purposes, some good, some bad.
Keeping pregnancy a secret for the early weeks until the first scan is really tricky! With my first two pregnancies, I was still living with my parents and had no idea how to tell them. Plus the morning sickness made it harder to keep it secret so I told them the truth and it was nowhere near as awful as I had worried about.
I have told my children they are not allowed to have secrets from me, I want to hear the truth sooner rather than later. I remember an incident from my own childhood when I broke a doll and hid it instead of telling my parents. The secret ate away at me until I broke down and confessed at which point my dad just fixed the doll and the whole thing was over. If only I’d done it sooner! I don’t want my children to go through that worry and prolong their misery.
In my mind, secrets are close to lies or at least lying by omission. That is why they hurt. Secrets may seem fun and exciting (and in terms of a surprise gift, they are) but they often involve holding back from those we love and should trust. Sometimes they mean we have to go through things alone instead of turning to a friend.
Having thought about this post, I would say that gifts etc are surprises rather than secrets. Secrets definitely have negative connotations for me. They represent a power difference through the control of access to knowledge and information.
If you have a secret, share it for your own wellbeing. If you are keeping a secret from someone, give careful thought about your motives. As Jerry Springer would say, take care of yourself and each other…
