The problem is that when I do have 5 minutes of freedom, me-time, peace that doesn’t need to be filled with chores, work or blogging I feel guilty.
Yep, the dreaded mum guilt steps in to make me feel bad 🙁
I feel selfish for wanting to be alone or spend some grown up time with Chris. I feel bad for hoping the kids leave me alone long enough to have a sit down. I feel nostalgic for the days before children when I only had to worry about myself. I feel like a failure for not being a supermum (or even an instamum!) who is on call 24/7 and still has an immaculate house, perfect snot free clothes and pristine makeup.
Three or four times a week I have a bath and relax with my book as soon as the kids have gone to bed. I only last about 10 minutes though as there is so much that needs to get done around the house or work-wise and blogging related.
I enjoy a glass of wine in the evenings. It helps to switch off my brain. I am a total lightweight now so a small glass is all I need to make me chilled out and snoozy 🙂
During the day I try to read a little while Zach naps in the bed next to me. This is a new habit we have got into since the older 2 started back at school. Zach sleeps in his cot for about half an hour then wakes and if I put him in our bed and lay with him then he goes straight off for another hour at least.
I long for the days of being able to leave the kids unsupervised for a while to have a coffee and crisps (good old ‘crisp time’ as I call it 🙂 ) Matthew and Anya are now at the stage where they don’t bicker constantly so could play nicely for 20 minutes or more without me needing to intervene but Zach is very clingy and demanding. I imagine in 3 years or so the three of them can play together and give me a little time…
It is difficult to switch off some nights. I often stay up to midnight to cram in all the ‘blogmin’ that I haven’t had time to do during the day but the screen time must affect my brain and make it hard to relax.