When I first held my children, the rush of love was so intense it was a little bit scary. It was also a complete shock as I’d never known love could be that strong. I said to my parents in those early days that I was worried because it was so overwhelming. My mum replied that now I knew how they had felt about me and my sister all these years! It was a total revelation!
Love is strong and makes you fight even when you want to give up. I have been utterly exhausted but the needs of my children come first. I have had dark thoughts but don’t let myself give in to them. I have been breastfeedingwhile crying in pain. I fed Matthew breakfast with a fixed smile on my face whilst in labour with Anya, not wanting to scare him. I have developed a knowledge of trains/dinosaurs/Lego that I never expected or wanted. I have known fear and panic but battled them to keep the children calm (Matthew’s head injury springs to mind!)
Everything that I am today is due to the love of one man: Chris. I wrote recently that he may actually be a superhero… He loved me when I felt unlovable, a single mum with no job and no focus except the children. He has given me hope, encouragement, created a family and a sense of self belief that I would never have imagined three and a half years ago.