loopyloulaura

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Negativity niggles and how to vanquish them!

Last week I wrote a post on happiness and positivity. I purposefully chose things that related only to me and not my family.
Despite the upbeat tone of the post, I found myself dwelling on my own selfishness, ‘mum guilt’ and my fear of not being a good enough mum to my beautiful children.

Then I gave myself a metaphorical shake. Why is it selfish for a mum to want some time to herself? Why do I judge myself so much more harshly than I would anybody else?
Negativity is a worm that burrows into your mind and sucks the enjoyment from life. I want my children to know their worth but how can they if I don’t show them that I value myself?
The real danger is for children to not see their mum as a person. To think they are infallible. It sets up the whole family for failure with unrealistic expectations. Children may even have trouble dealing with their own mistakes as they have no example to follow.
So here is how to beat it (I need to follow these tips too!)

  • Treat yourself like a friend. If they told you they felt lost, what would your advice be? Now follow it yourself!
  • Ask yourself why you feel guilty. Are you being unreasonable and are your expectations too high? Chances are, yes!
  • I feel bad when I check my emails or have to work. But honestly, the children don’t need my attention 100% of the time (take note Zach: you can watch 15 minutes of TV without me holding your hand!). We want our children to grow into independent individuals so they need to have space to be on their own and learn about themselves.
  • I also feel guilty when I get Chris to entertain the kids. He has been at work all day and must want to relax, surely? Well actually, he wants to spend time with his family. Make his own memories with them. This is a really tough one for me to overcome. Because I spend almost all my time with the children, it is a treat to go to the toilet on my own or fill the dishwasher without an audience.
  • Think about your own childhood. I didn’t see my parents cry until I was in my teens. It was a complete shock. My children have seen me cry. I want them to know that emotion over everyday issues is acceptable and healthy.

I find it helps to remember that I am Laura. I was Laura before I had the children and I will be Laura when they have grown up and left home. If I lose myself now, what will be left once the children have flown the nest?
To help you relax I have a competition below to win some Avon lavender products, perfect for pampering and relaxing! You have to promise to enjoy and don’t feel guilty if you win!

Win an Avon lavender pamper collection


19 comments

  1. jen

    I completely agree that it’s important for our children to see us as real people. We can’t encourage them to show emotion if we can’t do it ourselves #globalblogging

  2. Guilt is such a horrible feeling … it’s like you are damned if you take your kids too seriously and indulge them, or draw back and give them freedom, and you are neglecting them. We really have to ease up on ourselves, and be good enough parents! #GlobalBlogging

  3. I think it’s okay to squeeze in time for you – I actually think it’s a good example to your kids – not to let friendship slide, to remind them that the world isn’t all about them…#Globalblogging

  4. These are great tips, self care is so important… I also feel guilty getting hubby to watch Ben whilst I go for a long soak, but I know I need so me time otherwise my mental health can be affected and then I’m no good to anyone!! #globalblogging

  5. Mom guilt is such a real thing. It’s so hard to advocate for yourself sometimes. But you really do feel a lot better when you do. I find as my girls get older it’s a lot easier for me to have a bit more space. They find fun things to do that don’t require me to be super close by. Those are times I check my email or do some blog promo on social media. My husband is also great at “letting” me have time for myself. I really enjoy my dance class I take once a week. A few small things can add up to a great life!
    ~Jess
    #GlobalBlogging

  6. Some great advice here – I think it is so important that we don’t lose focus of who we are – yes we are a mother but we are so much more than that. We will always be there for our kids and spouse/partner but we also need to be there for ourselves. Self worth, self appreciation and self love is so important.#globalblogging

  7. I used to put a lot of pressure on myself to be the perfect mother. Then I realized there is no such thing and it took a load off. Through that process I learned that I need to take time for myself in order to be the kind of mother I want to be to my boys. It’s amazing how much better things turn out when you evolve your perspective. #globalblogging

  8. YES TO ALL! Especially daddy taking over in the evenings for a bit while you decompress. I’ve had loads of dads tell me that they use the commute to listen to music so they’ve no problem jumping in to play with the kids they missed all day. It’s critical for the dads and the kids to get time without mom and no mom should feel guilty for needing a break. #GlobalBlogging

  9. I know for me, guilt takes me away from being present. Probably other things do too, but I try to work on not being guilty as it just doesn’t help. Gratitude helps. This is a tough one! #GlobalBlogging xoxo

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